W. J. JONES & SON FAMILY CENTRE
262 ATHABASCA ST. E.
MOOSE JAW, SK.
S6H 0L5 691-4715  Fax 691-4719

Email jonesfamilycenter@wjjonesandson.com

What's New in the Resource LibrarY

LOOKING AHEAD  

Journey to Hope Walk

Supporting Suicide Prevention

HOPE – HEALING – HONORING

Saturday September 25, 2010

at

Crescent Park Amphitheatre

REGISTER NOW and

Pick up your pledge forms today.

By calling:  W.J.Jones and Son Family Centre @ 691-4715

Let’s raise HOPE together!

Building a foundation for recovery  

Learning four key facts about grief will help you take control of it. These are the four key facts about grief:

1. The way out of grief is through it.

This is the single most important fact for you to learn about grief. If you want to recover from your grief and grow through your loss, you must learn that there are no shortcuts to a good and full life after a major loss. You have to live through grief to resolve it.

Because grief work is so demanding, it's common to look for any way to get out of going through it. No one wants to face grief. No one wants to feel the loneliness and heartache it brings. The common tendencies we all have when we experience grief are to:    

   Try to avoid it                  

   Try to get over it quickly

And, when neither of these work. . .  

        Try to wait it out

How often have you heard it said, "Time heals"? But it's not the truth! The truth is, only effec­tively working through grief, heals the deep wounds and enables you to recover your balance in life. To "go through" grief requires stamina and incredible reserves of pa­tience. At some point along the way, you will feel terribly sad, lonely, lost, angry-or all of these. To get in touch with such unpleasant feel­ings, you have to be convinced there is absolutely no other way out of your grief than straight through the middle of it. You must have a strong sense of purpose and direction. To "go through" grief also is to "grow through" grief. And that is a positive experience.

2. The very worst kind of grief is yours.

Which grief experience is the worst? Is it worse to lose a spouse to death or a marriage through divorce? Is the death of a child the worst of all losses? There is only one very worst kind of grief - and that is yours, it was the very worst kind of grief simply be­cause it was yours.

It hurts to lose important persons, places, and things from your life experience. The correct and appropriate response is grief. If you don't acknowledge your loss and begin to work your way through it, even small grief experiences begin to stack up. They become like bills waiting to be paid -- and piling up interest. As long as you tell yourself you shouldn't feel as you do, or pretend you don't hurt, the loss stays with you. Recovery begins when you admit that no matter what other tragedies exist in the world, at this very moment, the very worst kind of grief is yours. The way out of grief is through it. And, the way through it begins by acknowledging that your loss is worthy of grief.

3. Grief is hard work.

Making your way through grief is called doing grief work. Viewing grief as work will help you take an active approach to your grief. It will help you avoid trying to wait it out. It will help you refrain from looking to others to be responsible for making you feel whole again. Nobody can do the work of acknowledging the death of your loved one for you. No one else can take over the very difficult task of saying good-bye and releas­ing that person, that relationship, that part of your body, or whatever it is you have lost. You must do that for yourself. You can feel better for a while by avoiding some feel­ings and not talking about some things. But the day will come when you awaken to see that your feelings are still there, and things still need to be talked about with someone who understands and cares. The longer you wait to attack those feelings, the more difficult and unpleas­ant grief work becomes. Grief is not an illness. But if you try to avoid grief work, you may well become sick. If you do the work of grieving, including taking care of your physical and emotional needs, you will be okay. A support group can become the catalyst for sharing you feelings and doing grief work.

4. Effective grief work is not done alone.

One of the most hurtful myths you will hear about grief goes like this:

            Grief is such a personal experience that it should be kept to yourself.

Another is:   

             Nobody else can help. You have to handle your own grief.

Nothing is further from the truth! It is another fact of life and loss that effective grief work is not done alone. Your grief should never be a private af­fair. You need other people as much as you need air to breathe. You need to talk about your experiences and your feelings. You need to listen to others share about what's happening to them. There is more than com­fort in such sharing. There is the strength you need to endure the length and burden of your grief. If you keep your grief to yourself, you run an unnecessary risk of it becoming distorted. Effective grief work is not done alone.

Learning to work with grief in these ways may feel strange and uncomfortable. These ideas may represent a whole new way for you to think about grief. But in time and with practice, you will find these concepts to be invaluable tools to recovering from your loss and moving on in your life.

Taken From:  Life after Loss

Author: Bob Deits

www.griefhealing.com

www.bereavedfamilies.net

www.webhealing.com

www.compassionatefriends.org

www.dougy.org

www.griefnet.org

www.growthhouse.org

www.survivorsofsuicide.com

www.missfoundation.org

www.nationalshare.org

www.petloss.com

www.starregistry.ca

www.widownet.org

www.siblingloss.org

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